Thoughts over dinner

~I can't believe how much my family means to me. I'm nothing without them.

~You can't always be afraid to get into depressing moods, there will always situations which throw you into them, we have to get out of them ourselves.

~YOU are responsible for how you feel,

and YOU are a grown up, you can't always rely on others to bring you up.

It's time to raise your own morale YOURSELF.

Wondering.

How would you run my life sia? I really wanna see.

Just so really tired.

I wish I could just stop hurting people unintentionally... I don't even fucking want to. I'm just expressing myself and I didn't mean to direct anything at anyone. Why can't the world just give me a break... Sigh. They just keep coming, problems and problems... I'd thought it would have finally stopped after As. Perhaps it's just my fault, as always... It's always like this, I can't even pour out to anyone because I don't even understand my shit, that's how complicated it is. I just don't want to do things that make me unhappy, but then it affected others in the process? Perhaps I should just shut my mouth my whole life, then I won't hurt anyone, EVER.

If there's a word that emphasizes fatigue more than EXHAUSTED, hit me.

Sometimes life is just fucking exhausting. Gosh... Haiz, I just really don't know. Just back off alright... You just always say the wrong things...

Confused.

Sometimes I wander what's more important, being good to everyone or being happy deep down inside.

Untitled.

Sometimes when we don't get the love we want, giving makes us think we will.

Feelin it.

I just know that deep down inside, someday, all of this is going to be worth it. The one calling the shots at the courts, it just drives me forward.
All that pain, all that discipline, ignoring all negativities and just pushing through despite all odds, IT'S GOING TO BE WORTH IT.

Lost passion.

I'm at this point where I've lost passion for my sport and I'm so very unsure. I'm not even sure if I like it as much as I thought I did. The feeling sucks so bad... Because you are so unsure.
I just clearly didn't want it as badly as I thought I did.
Please give me strength to pull through this period and emerge stronger.

How bad?

How bad do you want something? Something to the extent that you'd dedicate all of your time to it, sacrifice other things for it?

What happens if you'd want to 'make' yourself want something badly too? What would you do?

Interests.

This may sound like a boring post but I realise how much I miss playing games after being so serious about life. Time to ENJOY SOME GAMES PPL AND JUST LOVE WHAT I DO!

Alone.

If you've known me for awhile, you'll know that when I wanna be alone, just leave me the fuck alone. I just need time to reflect on my actions and regain my energy.

Do looks really matter?

I'm sure this has been a topic of discussion for billions of times but here's my perspective.

Honestly I think this helps.
To all those who think that their crush who refuses to like them because they aren't good looking enough maybe it's time to get off your lazy ass to make yourself look better and obtain more attractive characteristics.
If a person dosen't like you now it's probably because you aren't good looking enough or your personality sucks.
Let's just focus on these 2, outside and inside.
If we'd just think about it for a while, these people could be doing us good. I mean if they'd accepted you in your current shitty state, you'd probably come up with stupid things like why pick me I'm not good enough and that shit.
I'd rather they not accept your ugly ass and get you working up the fucking ladder to become a more refined individual.
Be it going to the gym, learning the piano, another language, making yourself more sociable, interesting or becoming an expert in your sport...etc.
I'm not saying that you should be a more refined individual for the sake of getting someone to like you, but maybe you should take a good long look at yourself before complaining about the world.

So stop complaining about things, thinking about what could have been and go out and make things happen!

Imperfections.

So many expectations of myself but I fall short everytime.
Life is full of imperfections, we should learn to embrace them and love the life we live.
Why is it so hard for me?

I'll get to it someday.
Someday I will.
And when I do, I'll teach you all to achieve it and get the peace that we want.

I'll get to it before I die.